What’s an infirmary I hear you ask! Well, Oxfords dictionary defines infirmary as:
1. A place in a large institution for the care of those who are ill.
2. A hospital.
Here at Cliff Elberez’s Pie Infirmary you can get the sympathetic and caring help that you need after being pied off by EATING PIE. Yes that’s correct, I’ll say it again, EATING PIE.
We have a wide and delicious range of home made pies from the classic apple to the experientially orgasmic passion fruit and white Belgian chocolate. Pie isn’t all we offer; get back to pure re-lax-ation with some comforting classic TV shows such as “Murder She Wrote”, “Doctor Quinn Medicine Woman”, “Golden Girls” and our personal favourite “Pie In The Sky”.
You’ll get a chance to mix with our other less fortunate pied off individuals and take part in breathing exercises, eating exercises and group bonding- where complete strangers feed each other pie in a nurturing and safe environment.
Not only can you enjoy all of this in the comfort of your stylish, and all included baggy tracksuit, but you can stay over! We NOW offer rooms at Cliff Elberez’s Pie Infirmary. Why not spend the night in one of our rustic, cottage-esque rooms complete with en suite bathroom?
WAIT A MINUTE! THAT’S NOT ALL? Recommend a friend and be the first to get a free slice of our exclusive Alaskan Cream Pie which includes tiny edible eskimos made completely out of icing sugar and pure animal fat extracts. Mmm! if that doesn’t sound appetising I don’t know what does!
All of this can be yours for the measly price of just £85 daily + £9.99 VAT.
Simply reply to this EXCLUSIVE email with your full name, 16 digit credit card number, expiry date, name on card and CVV (Last 3 digits at the back) and we will take a small deposit of just £60 to secure your place.
Things will get better my friend.
Hope to see you soon….and hungry!
The Cliff Elberez Pie Infirmary