problems with Glocauneve

The email you are about to read is a real email sent out to a real company:  on 13/09/2011

Dearest Dr. Raj Persaud,

My name is Cliff Elberez and I’d like to start off my email by telling you that I was a huge fan of yours from when you used to be on GMTV. I don’t know why you stopped appearing on GMTV, but I wish that if there was any hostility that you and ITV would just sort it out because I (as well as millions upon millions of viewers) need you back on my screen. I am emailing because I have a bizarre medical problem. It’s more psychological than anything and I have been to a counsellor, as well as several general practitioners and none of them have been able to diagnose me, therefore I have no choice but to contact my favourite celebrity doctor. I am an obese man and whenever I eat my favourite food (which is pie), I find myself getting incredibly emotional and at times I burst into tears. I don’t know why this happens. I also find that my Glocauneve gets incredibly irritable and itchy. It can get quite embarrassing at times because my Glocauneve isn’t exactly something which I am able to hide. I get looks on the bus and sometimes people point and laugh at me. I’m not allergic to pie which makes me believe its more psychological. I have Googled “problems with Glocauneve” and haven’t found any other people with the same problem, which in turn, makes me feel very alone and encourages me to turn to pie again. It’s a vicious circle. Please get back to me because I don’t know what else to do.

Also can I have a signed photo?

Cliff Elberez

“Dr” Raj Persaud neglected to get back to Cliff Elberez and as a result his Glocauneve fell off and was eaten by a stray cat.


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