To: email@example.com (Jane McDonald’s PR) on Tue, 19 Apr 2011
My name is Cliff Elberez and I’d like to firstly state that I am a massive Jane McDonald fan. I have followed her career from the get go. I’ve seen her live many times and watched her avidly on Loose Women. My wife Denise is also a fan of “The Mac” and in the past have paid tribute to her with a series of performances down our local pub “The Swan with two necks”.
I have recently discovered “the world wide web” and noticed that you offer a fan club subscription. I then noticed that it costs £20 to become a fan online. Unfortunately, due to recent business ventures I cannot afford that sort of money, therefore must miss out on all of the benefits of being a Jane McDonald fan club member. Is there any way whatsoever that I could bypass the fee or perhaps have an IOU?
Furthermore, would I be able to get a signed photograph to myself and Denise from the lovely Jane? If so would there be a fee for this too?
I feel incredibly cheap not being able to pay the fee, and it has taken a lot of courage and pride to send this email, I am simply doing it because my love and dedication for Jane goes beyond any other human emotion.
Neither Jane McDonald nor Brian got back to Cliff. Whenever Cliff faces rejection such as this, he goes on a vengeance rampage. In this case he burnt all of Jane McDonalds Christmas albums on a bonfire. Later research online showed that the burning of Jane McDonalds albums on a bonfire was actually quite common amongst most normal people with ears.